Where are the men? How the myth of masculinity is falling

Have you ever wondered what it means to be a real man? Are the definitions of masculinity we know true, or are they just social stereotypes imposed on us? Masculinity is still often viewed through the lenses of strength, dominance, professional success, and emotional restraint. These expectations force men to strive for ideals that are often unattainable. Those who cannot meet these cultural standards may experience feelings of failure, shame, and isolation.

A quote from the chapter "Raising Fearful Heroes" in the book about interpersonal communication Bridges Instead of Walls aptly captures this problem: "They must be sure that their behaviour matches what is considered masculine. It takes very little, perhaps one failure or one sign of weakness, to lose their place in the enchanted circle of men. But if a man is not a man, what does he become? The answer most men seem to believe is: absolutely nobody."

Here lies a paradox. It is often believed that patriarchy was created by men for men, aiming to maintain their dominant position in society. However, a closer analysis shows that this system can also harm men. Patriarchy is based on a rigid hierarchy and a set of norms that impose certain expectations. Men are forced to maintain specific social roles that can be destructive to their emotional and psychological well-being.

Moreover, patriarchy reinforces toxic behavioural patterns based on violence, seen as acceptable ways to deal with conflicts and emotions. This narrative strengthens negative stereotypes that hinder men from forming deep and authentic relationships with others. In this way, not only are harmful stereotypes about men perpetuated, but their freedom to be themselves is also restricted.

The pressure to constantly prove one's masculinity can lead to severe mental health problems. Research shows that men are less likely to seek help externally. Feeling that they cannot show their feelings, they often turn to destructive coping mechanisms, such as alcohol and drug abuse or aggressive behaviours. Alarmingly, the higher propensity for suicide among men is striking.

The statistics are terrifying – men commit suicide significantly more often than women. This shows that the crisis of masculinity is not a myth but a reality that requires changes in social norms and greater support for men in redefining their identity. Modern society needs a more nuanced and flexible model of masculinity that allows men to express a full range of emotions without fear of losing their identity.

A man's true strength lies in authenticity, the ability to express emotions, and openness to diverse life experiences. Only by creating a society that accepts and supports diversity in the expression of masculinity can we ensure men the freedom to be themselves and better mental health. By discussing a change in thinking, educating, and approaching the upbringing of young men differently, we have a chance for real change. And change is needed.