Mood: I can’t deal. About teen mental health without the cringe

Jamie, 13. Quiet, shy, a bit withdrawn and sensitive. Not a troublemaker at school. He’s not wildly popular among his peers, but he has a tight-knit group of loyal friends he usually hangs out with, wandering the city. At home, everything seems pretty normal. His dad is mostly focused on work, his mom handles the daily grind, and his older sister is busy with her own life – though she’s still in touch with her little brother. The Miller family appears to have it all together. But then one day, the police smash down their front door. Officers storm into Jamie’s room and drag the 13-year-old out in handcuffs. His family has no idea what’s going on. Shock. Disbelief. Outrage. Despair. The emotional chaos only deepens when they find out the boy is suspected of committing a brutal crime against one of his schoolmates.

Is it possible that a teenager who has never shown signs of aggression or emotional turmoil could commit such a shocking crime? Jamie isn’t involved with the wrong crowd, doesn’t come from a dysfunctional family, and there’s no indication that he had a difficult childhood or was exposed to stress at home. So, what triggered the outburst of rage? What was the spark that shattered his inner balance and drove him to an act with irreversible consequences? Could this tragedy have been prevented? Who was at fault, and why? Where were the parents and the educators? As we watch the series Adolescence on Netflix, which this scenario is based on, we ask ourselves these very questions. But the show offers no clear answers. What we’re left with are interpretations of the characters’ behaviors and attitudes, speculations, personal reflections and observations, and the task of drawing our own conclusions.

Just like in Jamie’s case, in real life we’re often powerless in the face of what’s happening inside the minds of young people. Here too, we rely mostly on guesswork and observation. Teenagers rarely say outright: “I’m depressed,” “I feel lonely,” or “I’m afraid I’m not good enough.” Instead, they leave behind vague traces: fewer glances, quieter answers, subtle shifts in behavior that are easy to dismiss as “typical teenage stuff.” There are more Jamies out there. Of course, not all of them end up committing a tragedy. Many exist as victims – of peer violence, adult indifference, or their own thoughts. And others? They simply remain stuck in a “neutral” zone – invisible, unheard, carrying the stereotype of being “a good kid” who supposedly has no reason to suffer. They don’t show their emotions. They bottle them up – behind the closed door of their room, behind a dark phone or computer screen, behind a smile that tries to cover up worry or pain. 

A teenager feels, but doesn’t always know what and why 

A child’s psyche isn’t a machine you can set once and expect to run flawlessly. It’s a complex system of dependencies, reactions, and emotions, and during adolescence, it’s especially vulnerable to imbalance. The teenage brain is in a state of constant reconstruction. The prefrontal cortex - responsible for rational thinking and anticipating consequences - continues to develop intensively until around the age of 25. Meanwhile, the limbic system, which governs emotions, is already running at full speed during the teenage years. This means that a teenager may feel things deeply, but not necessarily understand exactly what they’re feeling or why. A child’s and adolescent’s mental health directly influences their emotional, social, cognitive, and physical development. It’s the foundation for learning how to cope with stress, build relationships, and take on life’s challenges at future stages. Childhood and adolescence are the periods when core emotional and social skills are formed - like empathy, emotional self-regulation, self-esteem, and the ability to resolve conflicts. Kids who receive psychological support early in life tend to perform better in school, build more fulfilling relationships with peers and adults, and are less likely to struggle with mental health issues in adulthood.

Adolescence is a time of identity building, boundary testing, and the search for autonomy - but also a period of heightened need for acceptance and belonging. Erik Erikson called this stage the “crisis of identity vs. role confusion” - a phase in which a young person tries to define who they are and what direction they want their life to take. If they lack a safe environment, understanding, and support, they can become lost in the process. This can lead to low self-esteem, anxiety and depressive disorders, or even suicidal crises. At this age, the quality of relationships - with both peers and adults - is particularly important. A teenager who doesn’t have a safe space to talk often withdraws and tries to deal with problems alone, which can be an overwhelming burden. They simply lack the emotional maturity and defence mechanisms to cope effectively. Young people often don’t want to speak openly about what hurts them - for fear of being judged, dismissed, or misunderstood. That’s why it’s so important for adults to be emotionally available and attuned to nonverbal cues: changes in behavior, loss of energy, sleep problems, social withdrawal, or sudden disinterest in former passions.

Loneliness and low self-esteem in the statistics

But we don’t always have the time to notice those signals - let alone respond to them properly. School, extracurriculars, training sessions, time with friends, homework, and then screen time in the evening. When is there even a moment to make eye contact with your child? Especially when we ourselves are “shielding” our availability behind work, overtime, house chores, urgent errands, grocery shopping, and a hundred other things that seem to demand our attention right now. Or at least, that’s what we tell ourselves. Spending time with your child shouldn’t mean squeezing it into open slots in a packed calendar - ours or theirs. Our presence and support are among the most important factors in building young people’s mental resilience. And yet the statistics on teen mental health today are brutal. The worrying numbers aren’t just about not spending enough time with them - they reflect something deeper and more systemic.

According to the report “Quality of Life of Children and Adolescents in Poland”:

• 21% of high school students said they rarely or never feel joy in life;
• Only 39% of youth in general and technical high schools have a positive self-image;
• Nearly 20% reported not feeling in a good mood recently;
• Sadness and loneliness affect one in six high school students;
• Over 30% of girls in general and technical high schools view themselves negatively and report low self-esteem.

According to the report “Young Minds. Opening Up About Mental Health” by the Unaweza Foundation:

• More than half of the young people surveyed (52.4%) feel a lack of motivation to take action;
• 28% report having no will to live;
• One in three young people (37.5%) feels lonely;
• 32.5% do not accept who they are or how they look;
• 16% of students engage in self-harm;
• Nearly one in three students (29.3%) shows signs of depression;
• 4 out of 10 respondents admitted to having suicidal thoughts;
• Almost 42% said someone in their immediate environment had spoken about suicide, attempted it, or taken their own life;
• One in three students admits to cyberbullying or bullying other;
• One in five young people surveyed has planned suicide.

According to UNICEF estimates:

• Nearly 13% of adolescents worldwide aged 10 to 19 live with diagnosed mental health disorders;
• In the European Union alone, this number exceeds 11 million, and nearly 46,000 teenagers die by suicide each year;
• Half of all mental health disorders begin before the age of 14 and often go untreated.

The modern world gives a lot, but takes even more 

Young people - just like adults - live in an incredibly fast-paced world, filled with constant stimuli, information, and content. We're constantly facing change, challenges, expectations, and emerging threats. And if we sometimes struggle to cope with all that, how are teenagers supposed to manage - especially when their still-developing minds haven’t yet learned to fully understand or regulate emotions? One of the most frequently cited factors negatively impacting teen mental health is school-related pressure. Even in the early years of education, students begin to feel the weight of academic performance - pressure that only intensifies as they move through the system. Final exams at the end of primary school, competitive high school admissions, the final secondary school exams - these are the realities teens face, with little room for mistakes. Research by the Empowering Children Foundation (Fundacja Dajemy Dzieciom Siłę) from 2023 shows that 63% of primary and secondary school students regularly experience anxiety related to school. One in five students admits that school is their main source of stress. In such an environment, it’s hard to talk about healthy emotional development. A young person stops seeing themselves as capable of learning - and starts seeing themselves as a “project in need of fixing”. 

Another significant factor is the pervasive presence of social media in teenagers’ lives. Platforms like Instagram, TikTok, and Snapchat have become the primary means of communication and self-presentation - but also a major source of pressure. Teenagers constantly compare themselves to peers, influencers, and celebrities - not to real people, but to filtered, curated versions of someone’s life. Every “like” becomes a form of social currency. Every lack of response - a reason for anxiety. The 2023 NASK report “Teenagers 3.0” reveals that Polish teens spend an average of 5 hours and 36 minutes online each day, much of that on social media. Moreover, 16.2% of them admit they can’t go more than an hour without checking social media. For a developing brain that is still learning how to regulate emotions and build a sense of self, this environment can be especially harmful - particularly when it involves FOMO (Fear of Missing Out), online hate, or cyberbullying.

It’s no coincidence that, in the context of teenage wellbeing, we often speak of a crisis in peer relationships. Just a decade or so ago, these relationships were mostly built through shared play and after-school conversations - today, they increasingly take the form of superficial online interactions. The pandemic only deepened this crisis. For many months, children and teenagers learned remotely, which effectively cut them off from daily peer contact, natural interactions, and spontaneous conversations. When schools returned to in-person learning, many students struggled to rebuild their former connections. According to the Young Minds report, 37.5% of young people say they feel lonely, and nearly 20% report having no close friends at all. These are alarming numbers, especially considering that during adolescence, a sense of belonging to a group is one of the key elements in forming identity and self-worth. When that’s missing, isolation and withdrawal often follow - along with increased vulnerability to self-harm, addiction, or suicide attempts.

How to look at the teenagers and how to communicate with them

Given the many challenges young people face today, the vigilance of adults - parents, teachers, mentors, and caregivers - becomes especially important. A mental health crisis doesn’t always show itself in obvious ways. It often arrives quietly, hidden beneath a surface of apparent normalcy, and its first signs are easy to dismiss as “mood swings” or just typical teenage behavior. Yet the body and mind of a teenager do send signals - signals that, if noticed early enough, can become the starting point for a conversation, support, and real help. You don’t need to be a specialist to recognize that something may be wrong. You just need to pay attention, listen closely, and not downplay changes that could be more than just a temporary dip in mood. So what exactly should you be looking out for?

• Social withdrawal – the teenager avoids contact, distances themselves from existing friendships, and spends most of their time alone;
• Sudden mood changes – emotional fluctuations, irritability, aggression, or conversely – apathy and indifference;
• Sleep and appetite disturbances – difficulty falling asleep or excessive sleepiness during the day; lack of appetite or overeating;
• Digital isolation – excessive and intense use of the internet, escaping into the virtual world, avoiding direct relationships and interaction;
• Concentration problems – trouble with studying, lower grades, distraction, forgetfulness;
• Neglect of appearance – poor hygiene, not caring about clothing or personal grooming;
• Self-harm, frequent statements about death or the meaninglessness of life, running away from home, skipping school, or using substances.

Awareness of the problem is the first step, but just as important is what we can actually do to support young people and strengthen their mental resilience before a crisis emerges. What matters most aren’t one-time gestures, but consistent, everyday actions that give them a sense of safety, acceptance, and agency. It’s not about being a perfect parent, teacher, or caregiver - it’s enough to be attentive, available, and willing to talk. So what exactly can we do ourselves before turning to a professional? 

• Be available – not just physically, but emotionally; show that you're there, listening, and not judging;
• Talk every day, even briefly – it doesn’t have to be a “serious conversation”; ask about their mood, school, or friends – this builds trust and shows that you care;
• Don’t dismiss emotions, help name feelings – support young people in recognizing and expressing what they feel;
• Build a relationship based on trust – don’t control or interrogate, give them space and listen;
• Develop shared interests and spend time actively – it helps strengthen bonds, fosters agency, and boosts self-esteem;
• Maintain a healthy daily routine – regular meals, physical activity, and proper sleep;
• Limit excessive screen time – set reasonable boundaries around social media and internet use together, and stick to them yourself; show by example that being offline can also be rewarding and healthy;
• Support without overdoing – let them make decisions, but stay close in case things go wrong; this builds resilience and a sense of competence;
• Take care of your own mental health – lead by example; if you’re able to talk about emotions, it will be easier for your child too.

A psychologist is not a fiction and you are not a freak

While home, school, and the immediate environment play a huge role in supporting teenagers' mental well-being, systemic support is just as crucial. Even the most dedicated parent or empathetic teacher can’t replace professional help when the situation calls for it. That’s why, alongside daily attentiveness, it’s essential to have accessible and effective institutional support systems that can respond to mental health crises in children and adolescents in a smart, timely, and appropriate way. And yet, there’s still a lot to be done. According to UNICEF, globally, only 2% of national healthcare budgets are allocated to mental health. In Poland, according to 2024 data from the National Health Fund (NFZ), there are about 450 child and adolescent psychiatrists serving the entire country - far too few to meet the growing demand. Waiting times for mental health clinics often stretch over several months, and psychiatric wards for children are lacking beds. Government programs aim to increase the number of psychologists in schools - and indeed, their numbers have risen in recent years from 22,000 to nearly 40,000. Still, there are schools that don’t have a full-time psychologist on staff.

Access to a specialist is one thing, but just as important is convincing young people to actually seek that support - and there’s still a lot of work to be done in that area too. Once again, the Young Minds report: 9 out of 10 students know that there is a psychologist at their school, but only 1 in 20 said they would turn to them in a difficult situation, and one in four admitted they would try to deal with a crisis on their own. Why do teenagers have such low trust in professional forms of support? First, there’s still a strong belief that “going to a psychologist” is a sign of weakness or something shameful - especially among teens, for whom image and peer opinion carry huge weight. Second, many students don’t know what to expect from such a conversation - they don’t understand the role of a psychologist, and the office itself often seems unfamiliar and unapproachable. Sometimes, contact with a psychologist is associated only with serious problems or punishment - “you’re going to the psychologist because something’s wrong with you” - just like it was perceived over 20 years ago when I was in school, and sadly, not much has changed since then.

How can we effectively “debunk” the image of the psychologist? It’s worth organizing psychoeducation sessions in schools that explain what mental health really is and what it’s like to talk to a specialist. Just as important is the psychologist’s visible, ongoing presence in the school environment - not just behind a closed office door, but as an active part of the student community. It also helps when therapy is spoken about in a positive light - by teachers, public figures, or even parents. It’s equally important to emphasize the safe and confidential nature of such meetings. But the key lies in shifting young people’s mindset - convincing them that asking for help doesn’t mean “something is wrong with you.” Quite the opposite: everything is actually more than okay, because the willingness and ability to seek help is not a weakness, but courage. Or, in a loose translation into teen speak: It's not weird to talk to a shrink/ It's not a weakness, it's a power, don't you think?/ You're not a freak, you're the one who cares/ Who faces the problem before it starts to scare.